its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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