There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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