i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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