your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
