I'm going to jail i love you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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