her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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