I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
