don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
do nipples grow back?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
