I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
