I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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