Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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