White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
