Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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