i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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