did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
