I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
