I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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