are you so shy because you have an std?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
