You just made me feel so damn special
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
