I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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