gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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