I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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