I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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