I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
