If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
