I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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