I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
