Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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