seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
