Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
