Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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