Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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