I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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