I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
