I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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