I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
