See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
