I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
