I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
