I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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