Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Less talking, more tequila
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
