are you still at the devil's house?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
