lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
