shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
