do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
