Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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