Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
