where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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