I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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