Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
