Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
