And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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