i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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