My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize