I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
