im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
