marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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