girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
