i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
bring money and cleavage
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
