All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
