oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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