why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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