clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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