first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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